my paradise in a City...

alicia's little thot at 12:24 AM

what was i really expecting?

nothin' really..
i don't really think as much these days..

cause' the more you think, the more troubled you get..

i take many things easily now..

in the past, i used to hold on tight to what i believe and what i want..

but now, i've learnt the art of lettin' go and being free..

though i still can't get thru some stuff, i still try to pursuade myself and talk myself into being easy over it..

some mistakes i have made again and again..i swore never to commit them again..

it just brings me down under where i used to feel terrible and horrible..

i have changed abit..

and in it, i realised that i am slowly lettin' go of a certain someone..

the sight of him does not hurt as much anymore,

the tears from the eyes do not flow as easily as it used to,

this time round, i no longer needed anyone to substitute or be there to catch me fall..

i made myself stand with my own efforts..

a year plus might not be long for many of you.. but it is enough or me..

enough to let me know myself better and learn many things in a different way and see in a different view..

this one day, i have decided that i have grown up.

i can clearly tell people what i want and what i need.

i no longer feel a need to follow the crowd or be taken by another..

for once, i am beginning to see things clearly. abt how i wanna build and mould my future. and how i really wanna be.

this past year, i have seen life and death, sadness and happiness, marriage and seperations, the poor and the rich, the needed and the unwanted..

all in a fast-forwarded speed..

i do not have much time or space to think or reflect..i make do with what i have and settle with what i can..

now, i see people more in a different way and view..
and life in a different mode..

sometimes, you seek consolence in the very way you hate cause' it makes you feel better..

sometimes, you control too much of things that you begin losing them..

at one point of time, i do realise that i am losing people around me and losing myself too..

everything just seems to fall out of place and space..

nothing seems to be really going well..

but now, i have thought through many things and i can say that, i am totally starting anew and afresh..

i have gotten myself back..

my real happie self..

and i won't allow another person who would walk in easily to break it all..

i've fought well with my own insecurities and faced my fears..

i am pretty much well settled alone and free from such relationships entangles..

i know where i stand, where i am, what i need and what i have..

i am happier with life now..

and i'll keep on going well..

:D