Untitled...

The power of a Ring, i could never have knew this strong.
That one day when i saw it on your finger,
i knew clearly what it meant.

If it was on purpose to bring upon any point
you have to be glad that it did its job well.
I could never have reacted any weaker or emotionless.
But thru' this weakness
i saw the missing puzzle in a complete picture

A simple yet realistic discovery
A heartaching yet gladful wish
'Be Happy'
That's the best i can give.
And that's the last i shall give.

I have never stopped lovin' u..
but i know it's time to.
Yesterday's sunset reminded me that you aren't with me.
Today's sunrise will still remind me of the same.
But tomorrow's sunset will only remind me of the friendship we once had,
nothin' more, nothin much.









i found the Ring!!

hahaha..

i was turning boxes upside down..flipping stuff here and there..

and the last was the dressing table..

i was kind of losing hope cause' i somehow knew this is the last place that might have it..

and when i opened one of the jewellery boxes..

haha..it jus sat there..

:D

all thanks to St. Anthony...

i saw his pendant with his pic on it and the next thing i knew, i found the ring.

haha..

alright..it's a late night liao..Good Night people..

It is when you search hard enough that you would discover determination.
And thru' determination, you would find faith to keep you going.
no doubt the road ahead is still blur and nothin' near clear,
jus keep holding on to your faith and be determined..
who knows, there might be a bend right ahead..
and it might be just this near.





i am such a complicated and fickle person at times..

was out the whole day and took bus 14 back home..

while on the way back, was listening to Power98 when they had this give-away of WestLife's Love Hamper..

the caller had to identify the 3 songs of WestLife's played on radio..

i was listening to it and could identify 2 of it..

i am not gonna talk about radio or how mp3 comes about..

but just gonna touch on some reflections on life..

i used to be such a DieHard WestLife fan during my secondary sch days..

in fact, my whole room is filled with quite a number of their albums..with the oldest one dated back to their first album..with the First Single..Swear it again..

then came back the second single..If I Let You Go..

then came..My Love..Coast to Coast..

i was in fact so mad over them that i even bought the VCD featuring how they got selected to be in the ban..

and i can still remember my fav. in the band was Shane..

and it was like my ever first liking for a boyband..

an Irish Boyband in fact..

time really flies..

i used to like them like crazy but now i am like 'not really bothered' by what happens to them..

time passes and people changes..

maybe the reason why i do not like them as much anymore is because they're simply singing songs and more songs and nothing much..

i am such a person..maybe it's in a Sagittarius..

or maybe it's me..

i always need something new, fresh, interesting to keep me going..

i can be determined at something..

but that something or someone has to have what it takes to keep me going and not let me be bored by it..

one thing i must admit though..

i am not good at long-term relationships..

though part of me has this thing for security and stability..

there's always this other part of me that craves for real adventure and ever-changing interesting life..

even though it means putting at risk my own happiness and havin in exchange an unpredictable future..

i get tire easily of people and things..i dun deny..

but i would always try to salvage things, though often at a late stage..

and this is where my fickle-minded-ness comes in..

sometimes when i like something i tend to hate something too..

i might agree with something but also dis-agree with it..

then i'll try to stupidly fight it by providing reasons from all over the place to justify the matter..

like sometimes, when i feel like drinking beer, i would also feel like drinking vodka..

then i'll end up calling for some silly sounding cocktail and then exchanging it for a cuppa red wine with a friend..

and though my aim to drink might be for fun peace and laughter..

i'll then start to think deep into thoughts and ponder about the same stupid issues..though i've always reminded myself to be happie..

then i'll start to take my hp out and think about a certain person but end up msging another person some crap..

and thereafter i'll be on my way home in a cab thinking that i am gonna knock out immediately at the sofa..

but when i reach home, i would have decided to take a bath, brush my teeth, look into the mirror and ponder about work before heading to dreamland..

sometimes, i am amazed at my own ability to say yes and think no at the same time..it's like different thoughts running concurrently..

scares me at times..

anyways, the reason behind this much crap was because i came across a few friends feeling complicated about life..

needless to say..over love..

love is such a great yet irrirtating thing..

and humans are such great yet irriatating beings too..

they can never seem to understand this line 'let nature take its own course'..

yes i know, easier said than done..(mind you, but been there done that)

but...frankly speaking, when life's complicated..what the f*ck can you do except leaving it all in the hands of time and nature..

like what i always say..

'think so much also no point, you think about it all day all night, but it does not help solve the matter or ease the situation'..

so, it is impt to know, understand and accept reality..

why make yourself so unhappie over some lovey probs?

okie..this is kind of gettin on my nerves..

i mean, instead of spending time on your so-called sorrows in life, why not spend the time doing more meaningful stuff like volunteering work or even shopping?

it is true that everyone has his own fair share of down times in life..and it is not up to anyone to give a damn dateline as to when hurt and sorrows end..

yes, it is good to be down and sad at times..i mean, it's like a balancing act..you have certain amount of rights and a certain amount of wrongs..but don't over do it..

you know it's gettin' out of hand when you spend your times at home thinking about your love probs and listening to sad love songs on FM933 or FM90.5 (sorry but these 2 stations are kind of fond of playing sad songs..)..avoiding people..thinking about love and her all the time..

simply put it, everything in life has a start and an end..sometimes, it is not up to us to decide who, what, when, how..

some things are beyond control..

like Kharma..i dun know if you guys believe in this..but i truly believe in it..

what goes round come round..

it's like something you owe and you pay back..and vice versa..

a lot of things in life, we have no proper control over it..and that goes down to the stable job, pretty wife, lucky life you have..

maybe it's a few strokes of luck..maybe it's a case of Kharma..maybe it's just wrong time right place..

the past is something you can never change..it is here to stay..and years to remember..

the future is something you can work on..it is always there to wait and years to achieve..

and so, start appreciating life and people around..

everything is very vulnerable..

cause' you never know when's the last moment..

**********************************************************

now after typing everything,
i feel a little crazy and a little out of sort..

haiz..
but nevertheless, i am happie.
Life's good and i believe it would be going better, if not status quo, for as long and as well i want it to be.

btw, recently, i was searching for the ring that Lawrence gave me..our ex-couple ring but damn it, i just could not find it..

think a few weeks backm i was searching high and low for it but could not locate it..

i was like so damn angry and pissed with myself..

i mean, such a stupid person i am to misplace a ring in my own home.

and now, i was wanna wear that ring again(cause' i just feel like it)..and it's like 'never can find'..

aarggh..i am gonna go dig my room liao.
and yes, i dun care if it's like 2 am..
i am gonna find it!

St. Anthony, pls help me.




haha..

:D..

guess what?

i just did some online shopping~

haha..my Virgin online shopping..

bought these 2 tops..

yipee~

will be receiving them in 2 weeks time...just nice for christmas..

muahahaha...there's always a reason to shop for me~



**shoppin' is indeed one of a gal's greatest invention...

hippee~

check out www.wetseal.com for nice deals..

their clothes are nice..and prices are good too..

thanks to Blue and Xiaowen's blog for the info..

hope i get the stuff soon..

:D




take a look at this week's PostSecret..

touching to the heart...

few ones that caught my eyes and heart..















Somehow, the secrets at PostSecrets never to fail to touch my heart and soul..

often times, after reading them, i feel way lots better then before..

maybe it's the anonymous sender..

or the fact that everyone out there has a hidden dark secret..

or maybe the thought that i am not alone with my secrets..

go read it if you have time.

i quite believe the postcards are from real persons with real stories..
cause' the postcards truly expressed the 'feeling' and thots..thought in short sentences and pics..




i am sufferng from a bad flu/coming sore throat..

Period.

so this post shall be kind of summarised..

went out to meet my insurance agent yesterday and collected my 2 '2007 Diary' from here..1 big..1 small..

after that, went for a little shopping..and in my mind, i was having an impression that i was having so much of time that since i stepped into Far East Plaza, i never even checked my watch once..

was walking here and there..levels to levels..when i ended up at an accessory shop selling mainly bags, necklaces, bracelets, belts etc...

the shop was amazing..the stuff are nice and the pricings are nothin' near ex..very reasonable..

it's called Talisman's..

it's a weird name but the stuff there are nice...if i dun remember wrongly, it's located in the 2nd floor..go check it out people..

it's nice~

haha..

and i also bought jul and grace a necklace each..

but i passed to grace hers...so no pics..

but below are mine and jul's..



my black one to go with my outfit for a wedding this weekend..
jul's one was a purplish/light pink pearly one..
can't really describe the colours but think it goes with her clothes..

grace's one was a gold coloured one..

and me and grace were also thinking of getting matching hairbands!..

haha..crazy gals..

the pic looks a little 'off' with e pink background eh?..used Photoshop to merge both pics together..but no time to change liao la..maybe next time i shall polish up on my Photoshop skills..
and back to the topic..i was to meet Grace at 6.45pm at Somerset but I was shopping like crazy that i totally forgot the time..

and i realised it at 7pm?

haha...called her and we managed to meet up..

poor gal..she even called my home thinking i was sleeping like a pig at home..

but only to be told by my mum that i was most prob at work..

haha..and she was contemplating on going home..

it's good to scare her once in a while~ :D

after that..it's dinner at Heerens..it's called Vil'age..located at where Marche used to be..

the setting, atmosphere, food..all the same..

even the chairs and the places you get food also SAME..

just a diff name and diff uniform..

the food's okie though..

now they are having this 20% discount promotion..not bad la..me and grace spent about 20 bucks each..

but it just reminds me of nothin' but Marche..

and yes, they even have Rosti..




'card' to buy food..my special lucky no.



the food..





after dinner, went for a movie..

watched 'Step Up'..the movie plot was very predictable and reminds me of a Eminem show few years back..

Step-up


8 Mile


it's about giving yourself a second chance and working hard for it..

and also about dancing~

nice dance steps man...makes me feel like dancing siah..

give it 3 out of 5 popcorns..

should be 2 though..but extra 1 for the dance and songs..

i think it's pretty cool~

and the male lead is just so damn cool~..hahaha..he's my new Idol btw..

hee hee..

before movie, went to More Than Words..

and this came out with me too..

Eeyore ... from Teacher Grace..haha..



ain't he sweet.. :D

the light-ups along Orchard Road..


to end it all..i bought these yesterday..


the flu/coming sore throat is gettin' on me..

plus, to make matters worst..the cramps are settin' in..

tell me that life is good...pls..

i am stocking up so much of Panadol that i think i can go sign up for the Platinium membership liao..

Panadol normal, Panadol Extra, Panadol Fast Reflief, Panadol for Joint Pain, Panadol Menstrual, Panadol Flu..

you name it i have it..

except for Children's one la..

alright, i am gonna rest for night shift..

just in case you forgot me again..






There is nothin' much today actually.

Talked about Love, Marriage, Money, Future with people.

It was kind of a good discussion.

anyways..i kind of have nothin' much to blog and am kind of tired too..

so, shall leave you with a few games i found..

to spend time on..

Super Mario..ever-fav...

Click to Play!

Monkeys and Bananas..

Click to Play!

Parking Cars..something i dun quite like in real life..

Click to Play!

this is kind of opposite of Parking Cars..

Click to Play!




i was readin' my old blog when i came across this particular post that Kelvin posted in Tones4U..

the forum has since been gone but readin the post once again is like feeling 'ever-so-comforting'..just reminds me of how blessed i actually am..and that i should be choosing to be happie than stopping, hesitating, pondering over trival daily stuff and relationship thingy..

once again..this is the post..

Posted: Jan 2 2006, 04:55 PM by KiRiDanShiRo in Tones

it's a new year.a new begining. a reason to let go, and set oneself free.free ur constrains, set ur wings free,free of problems, set ur soul free.

it's human nature to wiggle the sore tooth to remind oneself of the pain it produces,but it's alos human nature to look ahead, forget abt the pass and be happy.which nature is urs?.

you cant choose who you're. cant choose the things tat happens.but you can always choose the actions u take and the way you react to them.

YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

jus step out... take tat one step forward, and never look back.time dnt stop for no one... neither should you.

when my mom passed away, it made me realised even more then you only hav one life. and only one chance to make it good. so dnt fret and waste time abt some bad happenings. it happend, and it cannot be undone, wat ever you do, the fact tat things happened cannot be changed.

the only thing that you can change is how you look at things and lead your life.

and i sincerely hope u will lead a life that is nothing short of then being happy~!

i leave tis post to u now not as kiri, but as a friend who has shared great moments with you. as the dear who has seen u smile tat brilliant happy smile

-Kelvin



his posts never fail to perk me up or simply push the 'thoughts' button of mine..

no doubt i used to blog quite a lot on Tones4U..but it's all gone since the day a stupid hacker hacked into it..

it's a waste i would say..

if you had been there and read the stuff..the poems especially..

you'll be touched..

cause' every single poem and blog comes straight from the heart..especially from the torn-apart and broken-hearted..

every love story you hear there is simply true and touching on its own..

from the forum..people learnt to deal with heartaches..learn to laugh over stuff..

learn to face up to their own fears and phobias..

too bad it's gone..

but there's always another one..

www.ephenomenon.org...

go check out e forum leh...

anyways..Christmas is coming..Again!!

haha...

hoo hoo hoo~

Merry Christmas~

haha..

i love Christmas..

my fav. festive season..since young..

well..part of the reason is presents..

but most of it is that..it's a season of Love and Hope and Faith..

haha...

another post from my old blog..

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

A short story..
this is the gal whom you have left months ago..

this is the gal who have promised to wait for whatever reason..

this is the gal who sent you a 'merry christmas..' SMS on 25th December 2005..

and this very same gal just wanna tell you the second half of the SMS that was never sent..

'merry christmas..i love you, always..'


ain't i sweet?

oorrhh....

haha..

here's another food for thought..

a thought..23rd December 2005.

"There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard. You can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth.."


true eh?

we can't force or make people love us..the only thing we can do is to be ourselves and let people love us for what we are, Truly.

and this one..

Untitled..13th December 2005..

Lettin' go is a choice you could make..
it's not given by others..
or taken from another..
don't give up tomorrow's happiness for today's regrets and yesterday's memories..
the past is a part that you can never rewind..
the future is an episode that you can start on..
sometimes, it's not about a chance to forget..
it's the choice of lettin' go..



this is like a selection of the best poems and reflections sia..

got a few more sensitive ones...but i so-called edited them away cause' it's wat too private and people whom i dun want them to know would know..

haha...and i just got reminded of my very old blog in 2004..

wah biang eh~..

it's history lor...

haha...wanna read?

www.airlicia.blogspot.com

haha..

think the pic expired on the server liao..used to be a heart drawn in sand...very nice de..

thinking back..there were things i owned then but have lost now...

people..memories..

4/24/2004 11:42:02 PM

everyone has to move on...sometime somewhere...

it's just a matter of where and when...don't be afraid of losing your way...

because everyone does...

what matters most is that we learnt along the way...not only do we need to learn how to take the right route...we would also need to learn to walk our own route...

coz' it is only through our own route that we would come cross a path which would lead us to the road of forgetting, forgiving and renewal...

it's ok if it does not make sense now...i don't really get it too...but i know,some day, some time,i'll know...


2 years have passed since this particular entry and i think i really do get it now..

Forget, Forgive, Renewal.

alright folks..this is a pretty long entry man..

The Sinus is kind of working up again~..

see you tml..

i'm on Leave this Friday, dates anyone?

IKEA?

Shopping?

Sentosa?

hee hee...

Ask me out, pls~

:D




tell me about love
and i'll tell about all the lies that comes along.

tell me about money
and i'll talk to you about everything spritual.

tell me about friends
and i can talk endless about enemies.

tell me about enjoyment
and i can enlighten you on illnesses.

tell me you love me
and i can show you what you really thought you liked.

i can talk and show emotions differently.

even when i am sad, i can just laugh more than anyone else.
even when i am poor, i can still go shopping.

even when i am out of love, i would still tell people to get into love.
even when i love someone, i could still act as though i had never felt anything.

sometimes, i could be smiling and still hating you at the same time.

even i dun really get myself at times.

but 1 thing i can be sure of now and today and the days after is that..

i am gonna move forward everyday..no more procrascinating or stopping..

i am gonna make up for the times that i lose for people who never realised my worth..

i make time stop for them but only to realise that they had letten' go of whatever there is..

the new alicia is just gonna start life better than ever..

HA HA..

i Love God.

btw, Christmas is coming again!!..

and in case you are wondering, i ain't starting all anew because of christmas k..

i've been wanting to get out of certain stuff but it's just the same old thingy coming back again and again..

same old issues..same old topics..same old problems always waiting to get worked out but same old alicia kept on pushing back and procrasinating..

and now that christmas is gettin' near, it's also a good chance to seriously start all over again.

To find back my own self..

i have faced up to the issues that has been bugging me for some time..

i have made up my fickle mind and decide on few stuff...

i am happie with it and living life well..

'I am just sorry that i've put you and me thru' unnecessary nights and fights, only to decide that it's never gonna go far. You're a person whom i might just regret letting go in the future.

But, i ain't someone who's dare enough to take such a risk for years.

I see further than others do. I think more about life than anyone you could know of. I don't have a mentality of a 23 year old. I have a mentality of someone older. I don't just dream of love like it is in a drama serial, I don't just live life like there's always tomorrow, I don't hope of anyone amazing who would be Mr. Perfect.

I know life and i know how it works. I don't hope for smooth sailing times, i don't hope for luck and i do not depend on anyone, really. I don't see the need to really trust anyone, cause' i've betrayed people and have people betrayed me. I don't make myself happie but i simply try to find happiness in life's natural flow of events.

Some lies i can see thru'. But it's just a matter of keeping quiet and numb about it. Some events in life, i know what they meant. But it's just a matter of acting stupid.

I have been thru' a far bit to know what i want and what i need. Some things can never be enough for me, some things can never be what you thought.

whatever it is, i wish you happiness. A man's lost is another's gain. I know i have lost but, mark my words, it is to someone better out there.'

:D




There are a lot of things and people that matter
But at the end of the day,
It’s up to you to realise their worth.

There are plenty of memories that are never easy to let go
But at the end of the day
It’s up to you to work it out.

There are risks worth taking and falls worth making
But at the end of the day
It’s still up to you to break or make good a chance.

Horoscopes and zodiac signs can always say that they read your future,
Inspirational books and people talks can always inspire,
But they can’t determine a person’s moves.

Regrets are often a part and parcel of life,
We often say that we would learn from another person’s mistakes
But sad to say, we seldom do.

We go through life like there’s always tomorrow
But one day when you sit through a sunrise and sunset
You would have realised that someone else is spending away youth like how you once did.

We all grow old
We all still go through life’s bits and pieces like it’s a big jigsaw puzzle
But how many times can we look at our own reflection and say that there ain’t any regrets and die just at that moment?

Being satisfied with life is good.
But life is also just so much more than it seems.

You can race against people and the best cars in the world
But you can never race against Time.

So, start walking with Time and see Life in a Big Picture.









Today's Topic is about Cakes...and more Cakes..

take a look...

all these are cakes..

and all made by a neighbourhood bakery at Hougang Ave 8...
never noticed it or even heard about it when I used to stay ard there..











look nice rite?

never knew a neighbourhood bakery could be so creative..

and the prices are good too...1.5kg ranges from 35bucks..

the more ellaborate ones would costs more though..

the normal ones also not bad..

look at this..

Corn Cake..



Longan Cake...haha..bet Grace will like this.. It's Her Cake!!


haha..dun say i never share...here's the link..

http://www.yilingcakes.com.sg/NetCode/Basket/Productlist.aspx?categoryname=Special%20&%20Cutting




click 0n this to play fun flash games..

haha..

keeps you very well-entertained for a long long time..

be careful though..very addictive!!

haha..

http://funnyflash.com/index.php?l=g

especially the facial house and HK cafe..

and the toilet bowl game..




Deeparaya pics part 2..

the group pic of the finale dancers cum fashion show people..


2nd pic..



the malay dancers..



the dk barat guys..don't think i spelt it correct..but the singing and coordination was fantastic..



Elaine and me..


Elaine, Suren and me..



that's more or less all liao..

think there shld be much more but all with the photographer..
so maybe some time later..

oh..and one more..me on a TP bike..cool siah~


how i wish can ride a bike..woo hoo~

then people will all be like 'Wow~'

haha..think too much liao..

anyways..

i can't help but wanna comment on something today..

just read Xiaxue's blog and if you do too, you would have read upon the post about dawn..

somehow, recently i have been reading her blog too..

mind anyone here but i ain't taking sides or particularly supporting anyone here..

but i just find that dawn's blog is just like a 'pretty' blog..nothing much nothing less..

if you are a sucker for pretty photos and anything nice and sweet and beautiful..her blog's for you..

but if you are looking for a true person who blogs real stuff and things, you should really check out Xiaxue's blog..

Xiaxue is far more better in putting words and forming good sentences that makes good sense..

not saying that dawn's bad..but looking at both..dawn's blog is like a 'see,look,beautiful,exit' kind of thing but Xiaxue's one is like 'see,think,talk' kind of thing..

if Xiaxue's boring..then dawn's truly a plastic barbie doll..

pretty on the outside but when you truly see..it's afterall just plastic..

typing on, i think i should be mentally prepared to be receiving hate mails or such from dawn's fans..

but f**k it la..this is my blog anyway..









date: 04/11/2006..(something's wrong with blogger..so this is kind of post-dated..)

haiz..very busy leh..

here and there...there and here..

and i am spending tonnes and tonnes of money on cabs.. all the cab uncles must be damn happie seeing me raise my hand and sitting in their cab siah..

was supposed to go clubbing yesterday leh.. but i came back like 2 plus in the noon and slept all the way through till 9 plus this morning..

think i am a superb sleeper siah.. sleep until the phone ring and ring also no reaction..

haha.. pig siah..

anyways, i was so damn tired..24 hrs never sleep also..

went for the Deeparaya event then continued my night shift.. by the time i came back home was like 24 hrs without sleep..

and my eyebags are darker than ever also..

but as i always say..being busy is good.. makes you feel good.. no time for other negative thinkings also..

hee hee...and taking so many pics.. haha..more happie than ever..

nights before the Deeparaya..went over to gracie's house to stayover and also to try sari.. so that can borrow.. tried numerous ones and finally ended up with a heavy one..

but... it kind of caught my attention on first sight.. so gold gold and colorful..got a mixture of blue..pink..yellow..and gold.. it was kind of heavy but still..want pretty pretty mah..

so bear with it lor..haha..dancing with it ain't easy siah..so heavy..somemore i was kind of scared that the sari will fall off.. and i kept telling my partner to catch me if i fall..

thinking if it..sound kind of silly man..

ok lah..don't talk so much liao.. wanna let you people see pics

here are the pics...

at Happie Daze..


Magarita Mango...yummie~



brownie choco cake..

was busy talking that i didn't really have mood to take pics..

last but not least..

just in case you forgot how i look like..



haha...

pics from the Deeparaya event..this is only half eh...gotta take from people here and there to compile the whole list..


during the rehearsal..




actual day...

introducing.....

the guys..


and the gals..

and the gals somemore..

haha..my 'dark' friend and me..can't help but notice the great contrast of our skin colours..

'Dipsy' and 'Laa Laa'..same height!

me and uncle jay..

me and my dancing partner..Cheng..he's one tall guy siah..

elaine...hari..me..

me and just me..just in case you miss me...haha..

for the longest time ever..people are asking if i am attached or not..

and for the longest time ever, i am saying 'NO'..

i once needed time to think about my past and i still need time to work things out..

ever since i have been so called 'dumped' by a certain someone..

i have been on a 'thinking' mode..reflecting on everything and not letting myself down anymore..

i have learnt to take things in my stride and to not fall for everything or anyone who comes along..

yes i do admit..there have been times where i used to just plunge emotions down into relationships..

only to seperate when i realise the differences or when someone else comes along..

i had been on a 'relationship spree'..

but i have since learnt a lot of things..
i ain't looking for anyone to play around anymore..

it's more like..at a particular point where you just want everything to fall into place and settle well..

i am 'off' the playing mode and 'wandering' part..

now all i wan is to be serious abt stuff and settle well..

i am still having certain insecurities now..and i don't deny that they are kind of perventing me from moving further..

but i do not mind..
if i need more time, then be it..

i'll rather take more time to think than to be back on my old steps again..

cause' i am totally serious about all these..

what i want from my future now are stuff and people that will be here to stay..

no longer playing or'just like that'..

i have been hurt very badly before and it took me a long time to heal and get over it..

i still get the occasional pain when people insensitively talk or ask about it..

but i have since learnt to let go and go on..

nothin's forever painful or hurtful..

you will always feel pain or hurt when you let it all in and let it stay..

there's a past i can never let go or forget..

i used to think that forgetting and avoiding it is like an antidote or cure..

never did i expect it to hurt me more..

forgetting it is just a momentarily thingy..
living with it and moving on is a permanent thingy..

when i look back on my past, i see lots of scars that remain to remind me of it all..

but i would also think of how these scars made me see the world in a much brighter view..

********************

'somehow i just can't find the right words
but to be this close is indeed blissful

somehow i get the clue that things would not be
but still i enjoy the happie thought of it

maybe it's the sudden closeness
or the comfort of the imaginary

but i can no longer bring close 2 persons
much less to say 2 hearts.'




what was i really expecting?

nothin' really..
i don't really think as much these days..

cause' the more you think, the more troubled you get..

i take many things easily now..

in the past, i used to hold on tight to what i believe and what i want..

but now, i've learnt the art of lettin' go and being free..

though i still can't get thru some stuff, i still try to pursuade myself and talk myself into being easy over it..

some mistakes i have made again and again..i swore never to commit them again..

it just brings me down under where i used to feel terrible and horrible..

i have changed abit..

and in it, i realised that i am slowly lettin' go of a certain someone..

the sight of him does not hurt as much anymore,

the tears from the eyes do not flow as easily as it used to,

this time round, i no longer needed anyone to substitute or be there to catch me fall..

i made myself stand with my own efforts..

a year plus might not be long for many of you.. but it is enough or me..

enough to let me know myself better and learn many things in a different way and see in a different view..

this one day, i have decided that i have grown up.

i can clearly tell people what i want and what i need.

i no longer feel a need to follow the crowd or be taken by another..

for once, i am beginning to see things clearly. abt how i wanna build and mould my future. and how i really wanna be.

this past year, i have seen life and death, sadness and happiness, marriage and seperations, the poor and the rich, the needed and the unwanted..

all in a fast-forwarded speed..

i do not have much time or space to think or reflect..i make do with what i have and settle with what i can..

now, i see people more in a different way and view..
and life in a different mode..

sometimes, you seek consolence in the very way you hate cause' it makes you feel better..

sometimes, you control too much of things that you begin losing them..

at one point of time, i do realise that i am losing people around me and losing myself too..

everything just seems to fall out of place and space..

nothing seems to be really going well..

but now, i have thought through many things and i can say that, i am totally starting anew and afresh..

i have gotten myself back..

my real happie self..

and i won't allow another person who would walk in easily to break it all..

i've fought well with my own insecurities and faced my fears..

i am pretty much well settled alone and free from such relationships entangles..

i know where i stand, where i am, what i need and what i have..

i am happier with life now..

and i'll keep on going well..

:D