someone commented in the latest 8Days issue that XiaXue's boring..

haha..

go look at her latest entry.. www.xiaxue.blogspot.com

it's nothin' near boring..

haha..a good laugh i had..

anyways..

i am kind of tired and busy..

so, no pics or much to talk about..

the past few days had been kind of 'many-things-to-do'..

went over to grace's house to borrow a sari for the Deeparaya event..

went drinking and chilling out..

talked plenty and plenty..

went to Junction 8 to eat Sakae Sushi and shopped..

went working and had a Farewell Party for my team leader..

had a big big quarrell with my parents and mum's damn furious..

spent like an hour walking ard Little India to look for the Sari blouse shop to buy a blouse but when i finally found it, it was like 'CLOSED'..

haiz..so much for rushing and walking..

reached home like 4 pm yesterday and went to slp..

and woke up 11am today?

that's all la..
my boring life the past few days..

nothin' much to blog about and nothin' much to reflect about too..

tonight's busy too..

gotta go for rehearsal..

full dress somemore..

predict that when i reach home, i'll be like a zombie..

hmmm...

my phone's going crazy..

kept on hanging on its own..

think it's just too slow..

maybe time for another phone?

hee..

and btw..

someone comented that i looked like her friend's ex..

haha..

i can't help but think that i am always looking like everyone else..

i have got like people telling that i look like their classmate..their friend..their tourguide..their ex...so many..

maybe i've got a common face..

haha..try looking again when i take off my braces..

maybe a different look again..

Grace said my face changes everytime..

maybe so..

:D

'a feeling that came so weirdly and awkwardly..
a thought that went so well..
a chance that seems so tempting..

but the risks that came altogether..
and the many reflects of the past..

just proved too much to hold..
maybe it's a passing thought..
or a sudden rush..

nothin' much to think..
nothin' much to ponder..
and it ain't that bad to just remain..'




it is when you let go that you would realise that Life is beautiful..

the beauty of life and the key to happiness ain't about holding on..

but in lettin' go..

i feel Good about something today.

Really Good.

like finding a part of innocence that i have lost long ago..

Seriously, i feel Happy about it.

:D




there are some things i can never understand and some points i can never bring across to some people..

many times, i have tried telling a friend that some things are beyond efforts and self but he just ain't understanding it..

i hope he reads this though..cause' i just can't really summarise what i have been wanting to tell him...

and now the situation is such that..any negative thing i say would seem to be implying otherwise..

so, he is my ex who's troubled over another gal..fyi..we broke off amicably some long time back..

i hope he gets happiness somehow but this whole thing is kind of getting on me so i have just gotta get it out..

i don't wanna complicate matters but neither do i want him to be foolish..or simply lost in 'that world' he self-created..

the matter is actually a simple one..

what i wanna put across to him is simply the point that..

sometimes you can give your everything..

including your real self to love someone but there ain't a 100% guarantee that things would turn out as you wish..

and yes, no doubt that love can lead to sex but that does not necessary mean that a gal would sleep with you because she loves you much..

sometimes, it's just an emotion thingy...at times, it's just the right mood right place and the 'ok' person..

get over it..sometimes, you can have a person's everything but never her heart..cause' you can never know what she is thinking or even pondering about..

loving someone does not necessarily mean keeping her by your side..

there is a saying that goes, 'you can have a person's body but not her heart'..

why force someone to be with you when you know she somehow rather still loves her ex?

you have a right to love her and wanting to be with her..but she too have a right to love her ex and still wait for him..

not wanting to be with you does not mean hurting you..this is a very childish way of thinking..

people can love each other but not be together..for the most absurd reasons in the world..

does being together with her brings you happiness knowing that you've gotta work extra hard to make her let go off her ex's shadow and put you in that special space instead?

this is damn a lot of hard work...not only on you but her as well..

why not allow her to be on her own and let her decide that you are worth it afterall..

why not consider giving each other time and space to sort things out and just 'let things be on their own'..

i don't know for others, but emotions wise, i can pretty much say that i kind of know what and why..

i have been there..done that..

seeing you is like seeing a replica of myself..

it took me a long time to finally realise that BGR should never be of Top Priority..

there are other more things worth pursuing..

you have spent so much time pursuing BGR and love..why not put this effort and strength into work or some other stuff?

Love is something that takes more than time and efforts..

it is something that cannot be calculated or increased or produced by any means..

it is something that combines time, feelings, location, people...all kinds of factors together..

let it go and you would realise that it gets better day by day..

why let yourself be so sick over Love?

Love ain't about forcing or changing fast..it takes time..and some times, a long time indeed..

by forcing yourself to give in to demands and requests and accomodating yourself to suit another just to get her to be with you is an ultimate failure of yourself..

stop letting emotions get the better side of you..

let logic and good senses take its place instead..

Love is a weird thing indeed..

you can give and provide everything but all it takes is just another person to take it all away..

you can build up a relationship over the years and all it takes is just a 'tired' word to end it all..

there have been people who have met with differences and ended up together cause' they found somthing common in those differences..

but at the same time, there are people who have found common liking in each other but splitted because of the differences they finally see in each other..

i am not discouraging you to give up or anything but all i am trying to say is..take it easy and stop forcing her to love you as much as you love her..

and don't ever expect a guranteed return for every effort you put in..

gals no longer work the same way anymore..

stop treating gals like clothes..

so what if you have been so called 'hurt' before..

i can jolly well tell you that i have been there done that many times..

and been through tougher times than you ever had..

but i still walk through life good and well.

nothing in this world is 'most hurtful' cause' you would always have someone else in the world whose hurt is much more painful than yours..

if you have cried much, there are people who have cried endless..

if you had fallen into a hole, there are people who have fallen into a trap..

if you have loved too much, there are people who have loved infinately..

if you think through all the happenings in life, could you be expecting too much that you forgotten that some things are never touchable?

i still care for you, as an ex. Seeing you being bothered over such matters brings a concern. Stop pushing yourself into the dark tunnel, learn to let it go and walk out of it. And that is when you see the light shining through.

it's one of those times again..

those trying times in life where your whole brain's filled with negative thoughts and you just kept on thinking and thinking about those 'moments' in life and those bad days..

things and people are kind of filling up my head these days and i just realised that there are some people whom i never thought could be reading my blog are actually reading it...

should i say i am honoured or 'paiseh' that they are knowing this much..

not that i am blogging a lot here but just that i am glad that some thoughts were hidden at 'the hidden dungeon'...

btw...

i am crazy over this song at the moment..

it's kind of old..but recently sung by the finalist Jonathan Leong on Singapore Idol2..

the original singer is Dreamz Fm..title's 'Should I Stay'..

it's meaningful..if you have a chance to listen to the original...you would not have thought that it's sang by a local band..too bad, they have already disband-ed liao..

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart And broke an angel’s heart
The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I’m down
My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused You’re still in my thoughts

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same
I guess the truth Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about...

nice eh?...

just love the whole lyrics..

been listening to it like endless times..




some people tell me that i am stupid in Love.

i don't agree..

i admit i may be foolish in Love but never stupid in Love, except for times where i choose wrong over right..

i mean when you are madly in love, nothing else really makes sense, don't they?

people are asking me whether i am in love recently..

I am Not la, stupid~

it's always the same old question and same old answer..

either i am too busy and can't be bothered..

or the right one just ain't anywhere round the corner..

i am not being fussy or anything like that..

just that everytime when i look around..

nothing's right..

it's either the wrong person or the wrong timing or the wrong location..

hmmm..

wrong..wrong..wrong..

nothing's really going good these days..

for so many things i have kept it inside me..i am really tired of staying and just wanna start moving on..

recently, i realised someone quite as pathetic as me in some ways..

sometimes, i just wish i could go up to him and tell him everything i knew he is and every other thing i knew he wasn't..

but i guess i just didn't have the courage to let him know..

i tried many ways to be what i am not..

i tried hard to make certain things work but to realise that it reaps bad results..

and now i am simply tired of it all..

i am gonna start moving on ...

.....


soon...

i don't know if it would be a good move or a good decision..

but i'll let you people know someday..

:)

cheeers...




something's wrong with me..

went to see a doc at the Bedok Polytclinic yesterday..

waiting time: 2 hours..

patients waiting: 123..

nope i wasn't counting the number of people who saw the docs..just that it was flashing on the Qmatic screen..

for what reason i don't know..

maybe it's to let people know how long they have gotta wait in advance..

else it would be telling people to simply go to a private doc if you want shorter waiting time..

anyway..so i was there to see doc with regards to my insonmia and stomach pain probs..

have not been sleeping well for the past 1 week...

waited and waited and saw my mum there too..

she was there to collect her medicine for her hypertension..

chatted with her about 'superglue' and she got called by the doc..

as for 'superglue'..i'll tell you the story later..i promise..it's good gossip.

and so after some long wait..i was called in by the doc..

in case you are wondering why i went to a polyclinic...reason was money..

figured out that sleeping pills would cost much more in a private clinic..

plus if i needed to get a scan or any tests done for my stomach probs..the bills would be sky high before i even knew if there's anything wrong with me..

and so i went in and told this Dr. Loh my insonmia probs..

he asked me about stress and whether i was depressed..

i told him no..and he started writting on some papers..

afterwhich i told him about this sharp pain that i would have on and off on my lower stomach...

he then looked at him so irriatatedly and told me...

'can you tell me your problems all at once so that i can write them all down together? I don't have much time or space to write you know!'

what the F*CK!!!..

though i am stupid enough to walk into a polyclinic to see a doc like you..i certainly don't think that i should be subjected to such hostile treatment by you!..

and what do you mean by 'tell all at once'?

i am still sitting in your room telling you my probs..just that i am breaking them up in paragraphs!!

plus i hate telling male docs about such girly probs..cause they would start asking sensitive questions that i would feel damn awkward about it...

stupid~

people always tell me that polyclinics are different from the past..

i see no difference at all..

maybe in the quality of service by docs in polyclinics..

it has dropped tremendously!

imagine what if i am an old lady who has problems talking?

he was like damn rude but i was like damn amazingly cool...

if not for the fact hat i would need a referral to have a scan and getting some medicine for my sleeping probs..i would have tore his medical sheets up and told him that i would be better off dying than to see a doc like him!!!!!!!

i wouldn't have stepped into a damn polyclinic if i had all the money in the world and all the free time on earth...

and to be served by such a low-class doc..

it's just adding anger to illnesses and making me from bad to worst..

he is simply a f**k up doctor..and i hope his patients after me would have a better time than I..

so what if he's a doc and i am a pathetic member of public who goes to a polyclinic?..

does that mean he has a right to be so down damn rude and asking people to inform their illnesses all at once so that he could SAVE on PAPER???

so readers out there.. if you ever go to BEDOK POLYCLINIC and see a particular DR. LOH..

PLEASE REMEMBER TO INFORM HIM OF YOUR ILLNESSES ALL AT ONCE SO THAT HE CAN SAVE ON TIME AND PAPER!!!

Pissed!!!