alicia's little thot at 1:22 AM
for the longest time ever..people are asking if i am attached or not..
and for the longest time ever, i am saying 'NO'..
i once needed time to think about my past and i still need time to work things out..
ever since i have been so called 'dumped' by a certain someone..
i have been on a 'thinking' mode..reflecting on everything and not letting myself down anymore..
i have learnt to take things in my stride and to not fall for everything or anyone who comes along..
yes i do admit..there have been times where i used to just plunge emotions down into relationships..
only to seperate when i realise the differences or when someone else comes along..
i had been on a 'relationship spree'..
but i have since learnt a lot of things..
i ain't looking for anyone to play around anymore..
it's more like..at a particular point where you just want everything to fall into place and settle well..
i am 'off' the playing mode and 'wandering' part..
now all i wan is to be serious abt stuff and settle well..
i am still having certain insecurities now..and i don't deny that they are kind of perventing me from moving further..
but i do not mind..
if i need more time, then be it..
i'll rather take more time to think than to be back on my old steps again..
cause' i am totally serious about all these..
what i want from my future now are stuff and people that will be here to stay..
no longer playing or'just like that'..
i have been hurt very badly before and it took me a long time to heal and get over it..
i still get the occasional pain when people insensitively talk or ask about it..
but i have since learnt to let go and go on..
nothin's forever painful or hurtful..
you will always feel pain or hurt when you let it all in and let it stay..
there's a past i can never let go or forget..
i used to think that forgetting and avoiding it is like an antidote or cure..
never did i expect it to hurt me more..
forgetting it is just a momentarily thingy..
living with it and moving on is a permanent thingy..
when i look back on my past, i see lots of scars that remain to remind me of it all..
but i would also think of how these scars made me see the world in a much brighter view..
********************
'somehow i just can't find the right words
but to be this close is indeed blissful
somehow i get the clue that things would not be
but still i enjoy the happie thought of it
maybe it's the sudden closeness
or the comfort of the imaginary
but i can no longer bring close 2 persons
much less to say 2 hearts.'
