i am such a complicated and fickle person at times..

was out the whole day and took bus 14 back home..

while on the way back, was listening to Power98 when they had this give-away of WestLife's Love Hamper..

the caller had to identify the 3 songs of WestLife's played on radio..

i was listening to it and could identify 2 of it..

i am not gonna talk about radio or how mp3 comes about..

but just gonna touch on some reflections on life..

i used to be such a DieHard WestLife fan during my secondary sch days..

in fact, my whole room is filled with quite a number of their albums..with the oldest one dated back to their first album..with the First Single..Swear it again..

then came back the second single..If I Let You Go..

then came..My Love..Coast to Coast..

i was in fact so mad over them that i even bought the VCD featuring how they got selected to be in the ban..

and i can still remember my fav. in the band was Shane..

and it was like my ever first liking for a boyband..

an Irish Boyband in fact..

time really flies..

i used to like them like crazy but now i am like 'not really bothered' by what happens to them..

time passes and people changes..

maybe the reason why i do not like them as much anymore is because they're simply singing songs and more songs and nothing much..

i am such a person..maybe it's in a Sagittarius..

or maybe it's me..

i always need something new, fresh, interesting to keep me going..

i can be determined at something..

but that something or someone has to have what it takes to keep me going and not let me be bored by it..

one thing i must admit though..

i am not good at long-term relationships..

though part of me has this thing for security and stability..

there's always this other part of me that craves for real adventure and ever-changing interesting life..

even though it means putting at risk my own happiness and havin in exchange an unpredictable future..

i get tire easily of people and things..i dun deny..

but i would always try to salvage things, though often at a late stage..

and this is where my fickle-minded-ness comes in..

sometimes when i like something i tend to hate something too..

i might agree with something but also dis-agree with it..

then i'll try to stupidly fight it by providing reasons from all over the place to justify the matter..

like sometimes, when i feel like drinking beer, i would also feel like drinking vodka..

then i'll end up calling for some silly sounding cocktail and then exchanging it for a cuppa red wine with a friend..

and though my aim to drink might be for fun peace and laughter..

i'll then start to think deep into thoughts and ponder about the same stupid issues..though i've always reminded myself to be happie..

then i'll start to take my hp out and think about a certain person but end up msging another person some crap..

and thereafter i'll be on my way home in a cab thinking that i am gonna knock out immediately at the sofa..

but when i reach home, i would have decided to take a bath, brush my teeth, look into the mirror and ponder about work before heading to dreamland..

sometimes, i am amazed at my own ability to say yes and think no at the same time..it's like different thoughts running concurrently..

scares me at times..

anyways, the reason behind this much crap was because i came across a few friends feeling complicated about life..

needless to say..over love..

love is such a great yet irrirtating thing..

and humans are such great yet irriatating beings too..

they can never seem to understand this line 'let nature take its own course'..

yes i know, easier said than done..(mind you, but been there done that)

but...frankly speaking, when life's complicated..what the f*ck can you do except leaving it all in the hands of time and nature..

like what i always say..

'think so much also no point, you think about it all day all night, but it does not help solve the matter or ease the situation'..

so, it is impt to know, understand and accept reality..

why make yourself so unhappie over some lovey probs?

okie..this is kind of gettin on my nerves..

i mean, instead of spending time on your so-called sorrows in life, why not spend the time doing more meaningful stuff like volunteering work or even shopping?

it is true that everyone has his own fair share of down times in life..and it is not up to anyone to give a damn dateline as to when hurt and sorrows end..

yes, it is good to be down and sad at times..i mean, it's like a balancing act..you have certain amount of rights and a certain amount of wrongs..but don't over do it..

you know it's gettin' out of hand when you spend your times at home thinking about your love probs and listening to sad love songs on FM933 or FM90.5 (sorry but these 2 stations are kind of fond of playing sad songs..)..avoiding people..thinking about love and her all the time..

simply put it, everything in life has a start and an end..sometimes, it is not up to us to decide who, what, when, how..

some things are beyond control..

like Kharma..i dun know if you guys believe in this..but i truly believe in it..

what goes round come round..

it's like something you owe and you pay back..and vice versa..

a lot of things in life, we have no proper control over it..and that goes down to the stable job, pretty wife, lucky life you have..

maybe it's a few strokes of luck..maybe it's a case of Kharma..maybe it's just wrong time right place..

the past is something you can never change..it is here to stay..and years to remember..

the future is something you can work on..it is always there to wait and years to achieve..

and so, start appreciating life and people around..

everything is very vulnerable..

cause' you never know when's the last moment..

**********************************************************

now after typing everything,
i feel a little crazy and a little out of sort..

haiz..
but nevertheless, i am happie.
Life's good and i believe it would be going better, if not status quo, for as long and as well i want it to be.

btw, recently, i was searching for the ring that Lawrence gave me..our ex-couple ring but damn it, i just could not find it..

think a few weeks backm i was searching high and low for it but could not locate it..

i was like so damn angry and pissed with myself..

i mean, such a stupid person i am to misplace a ring in my own home.

and now, i was wanna wear that ring again(cause' i just feel like it)..and it's like 'never can find'..

aarggh..i am gonna go dig my room liao.
and yes, i dun care if it's like 2 am..
i am gonna find it!

St. Anthony, pls help me.