while i was reading 'Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul' some time back, i remembered reading a particular story titled 'Shmily'..

the story was about how the author's grandparents would leave notes with writings of 'Shmily' around the house for the other to find. it was a simple 2 page story.

the grandparents continued this self-created tradition till the very day one of them passed on. Then, while at the funeral, the author could not contain her curiosity and finally asked her grandfather what is the secret code behind the self-created word 'Shmily'.

The word 'Shmily' actually stands for 'See How Much I Love You'. And her grandparents have left tonnes of such notes for the other party to find so that they could let the other know how much they are loved.

Recently, Mr. Cheng came up with a secret code and SMS-ed me just last week. When i read it, i immediately knew what it meant. However, it did not occur to me as any special or unique message until recently when i thought of the 'Shmily' story.

I doubt anyone else would understand our secret code except for the both of us. Maybe it's chemistry or just some link we share as a couple.

Just over the weekend, we had some unhappy stuff going on, or rather, I was unhappy at him for some reasons. I am still rather mad though not directly at him.

Just yesterday, I finished work at about ten plus in the night and was rushing home as a heavy downpour seems to be coming. He messaged me on whether I needed him to send me home. When I told him 'no need' out of frustration, he replied that he understood.

That made me rather pissed because I simply don't understand what he understood. At that point of time, I doubt he even knew what I was angry at though he knew I was mad.

We were SMS-ing each other and I was growing increasingly angry till he sent me this message 'Do you have a umbrella? It is going to rain'.

When I read it, I was in such a confused state of mind that I don't know if I should be touched or sad or angry.

And at some point of time, I felt like I was so petty.

It was a simple short message that was sweet and caring. And now though I am still kind of mad at the matter, I can't bring myself to be angry or frustrated at him. I know I mean a lot to him. He meant no lesser to me either.

I had a talk with him last night and I hope he understands where I am coming from. I know it is tough for him as well. He told me that he would find a good solution. I am keeping my fingers crossed because he had failed to fifill his previous promise. I doubt he even remember what it was.

Anyway, He still means a lot to me and I still love him lots. And each time I awake and see teddy, it reminds me of him so much that my anger kind of vanished.

Sometimes, I do hate myself for being such a fickle person.

baby..(IINI)