sometimes, it's so hard to be happie and get happie.

the past 3 days had been a little living hell for me and i am anything but real happie. i know i must be happy every single day of my life but it is geting tougher and tougher day by day. i tried, i failed and i feel bad.

sunday is completely a bad day. from the beginning to the end. and worst of all, everyone's too busy for me. i guess it's all shitty when everything's stuffed within and you just have no where to vent it all out.

yesterday was not a good day either. i made certain feelings straight to someone and i am kind of having mixed feelings over it now. glad i am to have said the unhappy thoughts and feelings within me all this while but upset i am to seem to have spolit a person's good day.

yes, i blame myself for it. sometimes, i wonder if i was wrong to have talked too much about how i felt. i made him unhappy and i feel unhappy myself too. i am sad over it cause' there seems to be nothing that can be done to improve.

at the end of it all, i simply told him 'forget about the matter'. yup, after talking so much about my negative thoughts, i actually told him to forget about the whole matter.

was it even necessary for me to speak up at the first place?

i feel stupid indeed. the whole of today i was in fact waiting for him to give me a call. but yet, i dun wanna talk much about anything.

nevermind.

my family seems to be unhappy about me on sunday. especially mum. she had once again assumed some things and said that i was just not into anything related into 'family', that some things just do not matter as much.

she assumed, she said her part. i kept quiet and left home. why didn't i explain?..i don't see the need to. further explanation would just worsen matters. anyway, i hate explaining too.

i called up someone i love, only to realise that it was a mistake. i felt much worst after.

it had been a soapy crying 3 days. and now i wonder why i could not cry. i hate myself, i hate my life and i hate my home. i can't wait to move out though i know it ain't a practical move.

nothing's really fair. i tried hard at certain things only to realise that people are mistaken.

i once stood alone against everything in life. now i wonder where had that courage went to?

suddenly i felt this feeling in me that he is drifting further and further from me. do i not trust myself, him or us?

all i want in life is simple. to be happy. i am supposed to be.