mum's out of town these few days..currently on a trip on Genting..

how i wish..i could have a mini holiday trip too..

nothing too much or fancy..just a place for relaxation..just kind of tired these days..and i have been spending days at home sleeping and watching vcds..

haha...just finished the korean drama..titled 'Little Bride'..that show was simply sweet and nice..

the main theme of the show was Love but..

presented and showed in a different way..

nice and touching show..and some good laughing moments too..

i was actually hestitating over whether to get that or the taiwan drama serial 'Devil Beside you'..but i decided to get the 'Little Bride'..since it it was kind of reasonable at S$27/-..after mum did some bargaining since she frequently get her drama serials from there..

i am not quite the kind of person that would spend hours or even days at home entertaining myself with vcds..but i just don't know what got onto me..

if i am not wrong..the show's currently playing on tv too..channel U..but it's only on certain days..each time for half an hour..

and me being always impatient..i guess i just can't wait for the ending..

and recently..i realised that i have not been blogging much..

i mean..blogging about thoughts and stuff..

gosh..where have all my thoughts went to?and inspiration?

maybe i need time to replenish myself...

then i'll bounce back better..

sometimes..

i just feel a sense of emptiness and insecurity in me..

no matter how strong and happie i present myself to people..

at the end of the day..

i feel tired of myself at times..

tired of the mask i wear everyday and the imperfect heart i carry..

i can be both good and not-so-nice to people around..

and more often than not..

it is till they leave me or when they die..

do i realise the importance of their existence..

i know it sounds crude..but seriously..at times..it is when they Die.

i have been avoiding being close to people these days..

i don't know why either..

i guess i needed some time on my own..to just settle stuff on my own and mind my own stuff for the time being..

but at the same time..i am kind of getting used to it..so much so that it feels uneasy with another person around..especially when someone gets close..i just feel a sense of insecurity..

these days..i have been reading people's blogs..colin and kero's..icy yan..jillian..jul's..other friends..

and i realised they all have one thing in common..

Love.

a special someone by their side..and most of their entries would be about how things are getting on in their love life..

i don't deny that apart from that happiness and gladness for them..there lies a little sense of envy..

who wouldn't anyway..especially when everyone around you are all attached and well..

sometimes..there are some moments and times that friends can't replace and provide for..

for these people..i feel happie for them..

for myself..

i would always wonder what would have happened if i have not given up on my past relationships..

but then..i am most glad that i did..

if i had not..i would not have seen the world the way i want to..

and now..

i am just thinking how life turns at all angles..

when i was young...and having a lot of opportunities to play around and explore life..i chose to settle with someone and be in a world of two instead of one..

i have missed out on a lot of young singlehood..and though i am able to lead a single life now..some things are just different..

and when i was attached..people around me are all single and having fun..

but now that we are all older..

these people are all attached and some are even married with babies..

but here i am..being single and wanting to enjoy life..

how ironic..

hmmm...

maybe i am thinking too much...

ha..

good nite people..